They say that when God closes a door, he opens another. Well, it feels like until now I was in a room full of windows, too small for my size. Like those Windows were not for me to escape but to sustain me. Those windows just gave me enough to survive. Not to live. And now it feels like the wind is shutting them in and I’m not strong enough to fight against them. Like my hands are not enough to fight against the blow and I’m losing a battle. Deep inside I do know that this time will pass. There will come a time when the storm will subside leaving a mess behind to be cleaned up. But today, I have to focus on fighting. On getting through this. Tomorrow, I’ll focus on an escape. On how to squeeze through those small windows.
I love that moment. When you’re on a long drive or doing something and you zone out. You forget your problems. Everything.
I suffer from drapetomania. I don’t know who I am anymore or whether I fit in anymore. I am lost. I feel like an outlier.
I just wanna smash through the walls around me and get out.
I just need to get out.